Avoidant Coyote

okay well tumblr’s a massive dildo and ate the 4 ask long message i was gonna answer today 


i did read it last night but tumblr ate it and now i can’t reply 

sorry to the person who sent it

Edit: Reki got to it and I just saw!! That’s why it disappeared lol
I was really feeling the urge to vent/let some stuff out when I saw your post, and I figured since you're asking? =/ I'm really not doing OK, my C-PTSD seems to be getting worse and worse day by day, everything just seems to be getting worse. It was my birthday on Weds. and I isolated myself so badly because just couldn't deal. Until this weekend I hadn't had any human contact other than my therapist for more than 2 months. My few friends stayed the night on Sat. and I just couldn't deal ct

with them being here. I was so anxious and so scared, especially because my birthday is a huge trigger and everything about it I just can’t deal with on so many levels. They gave me presents and I just froze and panicked and couldn’t breath, so scared I was gonna get it wrong. When I was little my mum would destroy any presents I had, tear them up in front of me or claim them for herself or sell them and I was so scared my friends were gonna take the presents they bought me back and
I just got so scared that I spent so much time just hiding locked in the bathroom or being soooooooo focused on my laptop so I couldn’t talk to them properly but at the same time anxiously hanging on to every word because so scared I was in trouble or I’d gotten something wrong and they hated me. Feeling so, so drained just from seeing a few close friends for just a few hours and feel like I don’t wanna see anyone again ever. Yet, I have therapy in a few hours and I dunno how I can go.=(
I feel bad for just having posted so much because I don’t strictly just have AvPD, or well, I do but it’s kinda co-morbid with so much other stuff that it’s hard to work out exactly what’s causing what. But a lot of this weekend (other than the C-PTSD, my birthday being an anniversary, day filled with bad memories and triggers and stuff) was a lot of AvPD stuff, just being so anxious around them and maybe some disorganised attachment thrown in too. Hope it’s OK I did post? x

Hello Anon!
It is definitely okay for you to send us this message. :) I’m glad you were able to write it down and tell us about this.
It sounds like a very rough situation, and I am so sorry you have to go through that. I’m glad you’re getting some help in therapy, do you find it’s been helpful so far? I think it’s great that you had the courage to talk to us about how you feel, it can be really hard to open up to others, even on the internet.
I can relate to some of what you said, my birthday is also a trigger for me and I have had times when I couldn’t deal with having anyone near me, not even my closest friends. I hope your friends understand that this was really hard for you, and I hope that they will keep supporting you through everything.
I’m sorry I don’t have much advice to give you, but I hope sharing this with us has helped a bit. I hope things will get better for you Anon, because you’re an amazing person and you deserve to be happy! I know it might not feel like it right now, and that’s okay, but I promise you things do get better.
Feel free to message us again if you need to vent, we’re here for you!
Take care of yourself <3
- Reki

To the person who sent the long 3 ask message, I see you and I will get to you tomorrow because I wanna copy and paste everything into one message when I answer you and I can’t do that on mobile without getting a headache lol.

pikachudrawer replied to your post:

I’ve been avoiding my relationships recently. It just feels so difficult to talk to people and I’d rather avoid talking all-together. School is going well. I have been getting my homework completed on time. I am dreading having a quiz tomorrow.

Ahh I know that feeling :/ It’s good school’s going well though! Ugh god same. On Tuesday I have a lecture exam in anatomy & physiology ;-;

Do you live in a place where Coyotes are native? I see them on the hill behind my house sometimes.

I don’t think so? I live in Florida so probably not. We have bobcats here though. And panthers. There’s actually a bobcat who likes to hang out in my ridiculously suburban neighborhood.

How are you doing, Coyote? :3

I don’t know how to answer this without being hella depressing lmao. I’m okay, basically. College is super stressful. Being a functional human being is super stressful and tiring. My HS is flaring up because it’s ridiculously hot and because I’m stressed and because it just decided it wanted to. And my HS flaring up is making my depression worse bc my mental health is very effected by the condition of my HS.

There’s ~a man~ in my life and he’s wonderful and sweet and I’m afraid I’m gonna fuck it up because I’m emotionally inept and don’t know how to function within a healthy relationship. Like we’re not even ~together~ technically and I’m already having anxiety about things with us. It’s ridiculous. At least he’s always kind and understanding about it when I freak out about stuff lol.

But yeah that’s what’s going on with me currently?? I’m a mess.

How are you all doing? You doing okay? How’s school going? How are your jobs? How’s life? How goes managing your AvPD? Well, I hope. I hope you’re all doing well. Tell me all about it, even if you’re not doing so well.

Thank you dearly for taking the time to help us all through your blog! Recently i came to the conclusion that i most probably suffer from AvPD, rather than any other disorder/syndrome (e.g. inferiority/guilt/social anxiety syndrome etc.) i thought of in the past 1-2 years that have brought me to my knees crying. Well, i am still crying like half the time, I am still too anxious to speak to a doctor and receive medication and support but at least i think the time is coming! Sincerely, thank you.

It’s my pleasure! I hope you can muster up the courage to seek the help you feel you need! Much love~

My friend is suffering from AvPD so I would like to ask for advice - how should I treat him? Any tips, instructions? What I should do & what I shouldn't do? It's really hard to understand if you don't have it so I would be grateful for some advice, thanks!

I appreciate that you’re willing to go the extra mile to help your friend and be sensitive to his needs, but my advice is that he’s your friend. Communication is important in any type of relationship. Open a dialogue with him and talk about it if you think he’d be open to it. If not, do some research about AvPD and how they deal with various relationships and situations. But remember that mental illnesses differ from person to person. 

(1/2) I'm currently seeing a therapist for my social anxiety but I definitely feel like there is something more than me being afraid of social situations. I've looked up everything on the internet and upon discovering AvPD I also started crying because it described me 100%. I want to ask my therapist about it but I have no idea how to ask it. I have yet to even tell her about my homosexuality and it's been 7 sessions now. I feel ridiculous and empty and crushed. How do you just bring it up

(2/2) casually because I’d love for her to be able to consider this but I’m also afraid of her blowing me off since she obviously knows more about psychology than me. She would have brought it up by now probably. Unless she doesn’t know about AvPD… But I don’t want to be a burden and ask this of her and I’m legitimately scared. Like she’s gonna be angry at me…? Ridiculous I know but I can’t help but let that thought feed my inability to ask her. How would you go about doing it?

Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you! I’ve been busy getting myself into college and all that good stuff. But I just started today, so hopefully I won’t go so long without answering a question from you all. 

First of all, you don’t need to tell your psychologist about being gay if you don’t want to. It’s not a mental illness or anything, and if they consider it to be one, you should ditch them and find someone else. OR, alternatively, if you’re religious and struggling with your sexuality, then it’s probably pertinent. Psychs can help you wade through the muddy waters of balancing your religion and sexuality. But other than that, don’t feel pressured to talk about something if you don’t want to talk about it.

Secondly, all I can tell you to do is to just bring it up. I know it’s hard, but you can’t get help if you don’t tell your psych you’re suffering. But I’m not gonna lie to you. Some psychs might shut you down if you go right for it. Just tell them about your symptoms and stuff that’s bothering you with regards to AvPD without mentioning you think you might have AvPD. I mean, since you’re scared to mention it. 

Thirdly, I don’t know how I’d do it, personally, because I tried bringing it up to my last psych and I got scared and just started talking about “people with AvPD” and how I run a blog about it. I’m a lil scaredy cat, too.