I only have two professional supports and neither take my Avoidant tendencies seriously. I explain that my anxiety is only being managed by avoiding things and they seem to think this is just fine. But I've become a recluse, I barely leave the house. How do I impress upon them that this is eroding my life? I don't have alternative professionals to go to so I can't just leave these ones, but I need them to see I need more than "You're doing everything you can." Any tips?
I’m sorry to hear this. :/ It really sucks when the people who are supposed to help you won’t take you seriously…
This is a difficult question for me to answer because I don’t know the whole context and how the matter has been discussed with either of them previously. Maybe they just don’t realize how badly this is affecting you. Have you tried telling them how their attitude makes you feel? Maybe they genuinely don’t know you’re struggling so much. In this kind of situation, I’d consider writing a letter. It gives you the chance to choose words carefully to make sure to get your point across and it may be less stressful. I don’t know if you’re like me but when I’m stressed it’s like my mind goes blank and I forget about all the arguments I had to support my point so it just ends up being confusing for both parts involved because I can’t explain what’s going on and obviously they can’t read my mind… So if this happens to you too, or if confronting them about it makes you anxious, writing a letter instead could help.
It is their job to help you. If you feel that you’re not getting the help you need I think they would want to know about it, and they should be able to help you 1. figure out what could help you better and 2. help you get what you need, either by changing their approach or referring you to someone else or putting you in contact with other services who could help you better.
Other than that, having a support network (online and offline) can also be helpful. Having people you can talk to who will listen to you without invalidating how you’re feeling is very important! There are a lot of support groups on Tumblr, forums and other websites that you could check out if you haven’t already. And I’m here of course! If you’d like you can message me off anon and I can give you the link to my private blog in case you ever need to talk about something. Having people offline you can trust and talk to is also important, but I know it’s not an easy thing to do, especially if you’ve been avoiding people for a long time. Online can be a good place to start though, I think.
But, definitely try to discuss these issues with them again! It’s important that they understand how their attitude is making you feel, especially if it’s damaging to you!
I hope any of this helps at all!
Take care <3
Thank you so much! I don't think my AvPD is severe, and since I know I have Social Anxiety Disorder and am on meds, that's also being regulated, but, I feel like It's more ingrained than just having anxiety in the moment, yknow? I feel a consistent inadequacy and fear judgement at every turn, even when that's not happening. I avoid people that make me uncomfortable, even when there's no reason to. I don't want to upset my therapist but I think I can try some online resources. I appreciate it!
No problem! :)
I can relate to how that feels! I also believe I’ve been wrongly diagnosed so I know how frustrating it can be when it just doesn’t feel right… And while I don’t think diagnoses (as in, labels) alone are very important, treatment plans are often based on the diagnosis, and if the diagnosis is wrong well chances are the treatment plan won’t be ideal. :/
And finding someone who can address these issues with you is important!
Good luck, I hope these online resources help! :)
I think I have AvPD and I asked my therapist but she said she only diagnoses the most severe cases of people who fall under a personality disorder. I just personally don't think the way I avoid people is normal - there are few people I feel connected to. Any way I can get a second opinion?
You can definitely get a second opinion! The way to do this though may depend on where you live. The easiest way would be to tell your therapist that you’d like a second opinion, and she should be able to refer your or help guide you through the process of finding another therapist. However, I understand it may be hard to admit to her directly that you want a second opinion… While there is nothing wrong with wanting a second opinion, it can be intimidating to ask for something like that from her.
So that’s where it depends on where you live. Health care systems work differently in different countries and states. If your therapist is part of a health clinic of mental health center, perhaps you can call them (instead of your therapist directly) and ask to see someone else for a second opinion. Otherwise, you can go see your doctor to ask for a referral to someone else, or if you don’t have a doctor, you can try calling other medical clinics and scheduling an appointment with a doctor. You could also try finding private therapists in your area, although these might be more expensive I think (again, depends on where you live). The last option I can think of, is if you are in school you could try to see if there is a counselling service. Most schools have some (and they’re usually free), some schools even have psychologists available for consults. If you’re in college there might even be a health clinic with a psychiatrist so that could be another option.
I know it’s not easy, I’m currently going through pretty much this same process (trying to get a second opinion from a psychiatrist in my case) and it can be exhausting and frustrating at times because sometimes health care systems suck and there can be long waiting times and it doesn’t always seem like these people really want to help us… But don’t give up, keep trying! I’m sure you’ll find someone who will listen to you and address your worries. So even though it might take time and it might not work out the first few times, it’ll be worth it in the end because you’ll get the help you need and deserve.
I hope this helped at all Anon, and I hope you will be able to get a second opinion quickly and easily enough! Take care <3
The meme generator website wasn’t working too well so I put a new link on the Submit page if you want to create memes! It’s working a bit slow though, so I have a few questions for you guys:
1. Do you know any good reliable websites to make your own memes? (other than memegenerator.net and weknowmemes.com) One that doesn’t have a word limit on captions. I could add other links so we have backup options if one website doesn’t work.
2. Can someone confirm to me that the link on the Submit page works? It works for me but I just want to make sure it works for you guys too!
Also, in case some of you would prefer to make the captions yourself, here’s the template:
Let me know if you have any questions on how to make memes!
"I had to take a break from the blog, and after being gone for so long I was scared to come back. I realize now that I should have said something about it, but I didn’t know how." Damn can I relate...
Thank you Anon, though I’m sorry you relate to this it’s still comforting to know someone does…
I’m trying to learn from mistakes like this… hopefully we will figure it out. Simple social interactions seem so complicated sometimes! :(
I know this won't be the easiest question for you to answer, but AvPDer's have a special difficulty handling rejection. How can we handle it, without putting the blame on ourselves and assuming that it is our fault for being who we are, and even moreso, because we already know that it is not true logically, how do we convince the emotional part of ourselves that this is so?
Sorry it took a while for us to answer this.
What you described is something I struggle with a lot myself, and I honestly don’t have much useful advice to give you because I still haven’t figured out how to overcome irrational thoughts. But perhaps some of our followers could help?
Any of you guys have any advice on how to handle rejection? You can answer to this post directly or send a message (anon or not) so I can post it on the blog. Any input is appreciated! :)