Avoidant Coyote
Thank you dearly for taking the time to help us all through your blog! Recently i came to the conclusion that i most probably suffer from AvPD, rather than any other disorder/syndrome (e.g. inferiority/guilt/social anxiety syndrome etc.) i thought of in the past 1-2 years that have brought me to my knees crying. Well, i am still crying like half the time, I am still too anxious to speak to a doctor and receive medication and support but at least i think the time is coming! Sincerely, thank you.

It’s my pleasure! I hope you can muster up the courage to seek the help you feel you need! Much love~

My friend is suffering from AvPD so I would like to ask for advice - how should I treat him? Any tips, instructions? What I should do & what I shouldn't do? It's really hard to understand if you don't have it so I would be grateful for some advice, thanks!

I appreciate that you’re willing to go the extra mile to help your friend and be sensitive to his needs, but my advice is that he’s your friend. Communication is important in any type of relationship. Open a dialogue with him and talk about it if you think he’d be open to it. If not, do some research about AvPD and how they deal with various relationships and situations. But remember that mental illnesses differ from person to person. 

(1/2) I'm currently seeing a therapist for my social anxiety but I definitely feel like there is something more than me being afraid of social situations. I've looked up everything on the internet and upon discovering AvPD I also started crying because it described me 100%. I want to ask my therapist about it but I have no idea how to ask it. I have yet to even tell her about my homosexuality and it's been 7 sessions now. I feel ridiculous and empty and crushed. How do you just bring it up

(2/2) casually because I’d love for her to be able to consider this but I’m also afraid of her blowing me off since she obviously knows more about psychology than me. She would have brought it up by now probably. Unless she doesn’t know about AvPD… But I don’t want to be a burden and ask this of her and I’m legitimately scared. Like she’s gonna be angry at me…? Ridiculous I know but I can’t help but let that thought feed my inability to ask her. How would you go about doing it?

Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you! I’ve been busy getting myself into college and all that good stuff. But I just started today, so hopefully I won’t go so long without answering a question from you all. 

First of all, you don’t need to tell your psychologist about being gay if you don’t want to. It’s not a mental illness or anything, and if they consider it to be one, you should ditch them and find someone else. OR, alternatively, if you’re religious and struggling with your sexuality, then it’s probably pertinent. Psychs can help you wade through the muddy waters of balancing your religion and sexuality. But other than that, don’t feel pressured to talk about something if you don’t want to talk about it.

Secondly, all I can tell you to do is to just bring it up. I know it’s hard, but you can’t get help if you don’t tell your psych you’re suffering. But I’m not gonna lie to you. Some psychs might shut you down if you go right for it. Just tell them about your symptoms and stuff that’s bothering you with regards to AvPD without mentioning you think you might have AvPD. I mean, since you’re scared to mention it. 

Thirdly, I don’t know how I’d do it, personally, because I tried bringing it up to my last psych and I got scared and just started talking about “people with AvPD” and how I run a blog about it. I’m a lil scaredy cat, too. 

hi. so i was wondering if there's any way to get help for AvPD without being diagnosed. i'm under 18 so i can't be diagnosed, but its really affecting my life and i think i need help for it. so, yeah, any advice would be helpful. thanks

Go to a psychologist if you are able and tell them about what’s going on and what you’re feeling and they can help you work on the things that are causing issues for you. 

Hey I have a message or two in the inbox and I promise I /will/ answer them soon!!

(1/3) Ok, so I tried to write something here that would make sense, but I'm SO bad at trying to say what I have in mind... anyways: thank you SO MUCH for this blog. I've always felt there's something wrong with me, so many things that I wouldn't even know where to start. One day, as I was searching the internet for "reasons why I'm so messed up", I found a description of AvPD. I read it, and I started crying. And crying. It was like someone wrote a 100% accurate description of me without(...)

even knowing me. And then I found your blog, and I read other people’s asks, and I saw the memes, and I started laughing - all of them where 100% ME. It’s just so comforting, the thought that I’m not the only crazy person in the world. (However that sounds. ;) But you know what I mean.) The only thing is, I don’t really know where to get help. I can’t afford therapy, and I’m worried I wouldn’t find any good therapist anyway… I can’t tell about it to my parents or friends either. I’m just too terrified… I’m worried I’ll be like this my whole life. I’m scared I’ll never get a normal job or never have a boyfriend/husband/family because of this. And I’m so sorry to rant about all this here… I just, don’t know where else to turn to. Sorry again. Sorry. And thanks. *hug*. - Sarah, 22, Poland

God I feel that. I have HS and I cried when I found out about it through all of my research. It felt really good to finally get a diagnosis.

There are a lot of ~good therapists~ out there. It’s really just a matter of finding one you click with. Being comfortable with your therapist is really import. But it’s always kinda awkward at first. 

I know talking to people about what you’re going through is difficult and scary, but if you’re dependent on them for healthcare stuff, you should probably tell them so you can get the right help and care you need. You might be surprised with how well people receive it. 

I promise you, plenty of people recover from and/or manage their mental illness and live life and have jobs and supportive partners. Just like… mental illness isn’t a life sentence, I guess is what I’m trying to say. 

hello. i was diagnosed with social phobia when i was 17. i'm now 21 and have been obsessed with avpd and feel that i may have it. what do you think is the difference between the two? thanks so much

They overlap a lot tbh. 

"Based on the definition in DSM IV-TR, the main characteristic of Avoidant Personality Disorder is to think of oneself as inadequate, flawed and inferior to others. People with APD tend to believe others don’t like them and are afraid that others will criticize or ridicule them. This fear of disapproval, rejection, and criticism often causes people with Avoidant Personality Disorder to stay away from social interactions, and to avoid work or school activities that involve getting into contact with other people. This frequently results in missing out on social and professional networking opportunities, and leads people with APD to have a rather small social circle in which they only interact with people of whom they are sure that they are liked. People with APD are extremely sensitive to rejection and criticism and they usually don’t like trying out new activities that might put them at risk of being embarrassed or ridiculed.

Social Phobia can look very similar to Avoidant Personality Disorder.  Social Phobia has to do with being extremely anxious in social situations. Examples would be fear of public speaking, or fear of eating, drinking or writing in from of other people. It could be fear of addressing authority figures, fear of attending parties, or fear of initiating conversations.  The fear is mostly about being embarrassed, or of others recognizing that they are anxious.  When a person with social phobia finds themselves in their feared situation, they develop intense anxiety with some really strong physical symptoms, such as intense heartbeat, breaking out in a sweat, or hands shaking and shortness of breath.  Taken to an extreme, these physical symptoms of anxiety can develop into a full-blown panic attack.”

A lot of people who meet the qualifications for one will meet it for the other. There seems to be a high comorbidity rate with social phobic and AvPD. 

"If you look at the definitions of these two conditions given in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders, the overlap between the two conditions makes sense:  The definition of Social Phobia focuses on performance situations, but it includes difficulty with dating and friendships. These latter difficulties are a core feature of Avoidant Personality Disorder. It is not surprising, then, that there would be significant overlap between two conditions that are defined in similar ways.  This is the reason that some expert believe that the two disorders reflect the same underlying problem, with Avoidant Personality Disorder merely constituting a more severe and persistent form of Social Phobia."

The quoted text is from here.

So, I guess social phobia focuses more on performance situations, like activities that involve doing things in front of others. And AvPD is more internal things, like fear of rejection, disapproval, and criticism.

How are you all? You doing okay?

What you’re really saying when you’re against self diagnosis:


1. Everyone should be assumed neurotypical and should be forced to act neurotypical, until proven otherwise.

2. Everyone who has been unable to get diagnosed for any reason should suffer in silence.

Im 15 & after months of research i think i am most definetly avoidant-dependent & idk what the do. Theres no way i could go get help from anyone

I’m sorry you can’t get help right now. But you can’t be diagnosed with a personality disorder until you’re 18 anyway. So all you can really do is bide your time until you CAN get help. If you go to college, your school should have counseling services that are, from what I’ve heard, usually part of your tuition. I don’t know how well-versed they’d be in AVPD, but at least it’d be a start. In the meantime, you could try researching therapies used with AVPD patients. Talk to people with similar issues. Like people here. I’m sure they are many people on this blog who are willing to talk to you about AvPD.